i'm fucking haulicinating

Indietracks makes me hallucinate. it's official.

After Christmas twee I spent a TERRIFIED night in my rubbish, freezing barn in Cumbria. and I was absolutely convinced that either a) a mouse or b) a person was trying to force entry through the skylight*, and this had me almost in tears.

Now, some things to take note of. when i DID have a mouse sneaking in to my room i simply caught it in a teapot (honestly!) and walked in to the woods to release it. it wasn't in the least bit scary. why it would try to gain entry through the skylight and why i should find this so frightening i have no idea. Also, anyone trying to get in through the roof would soon find that it is QUITE a drop to the floor and would very much risk breaking something. Also, there is a single-pained window at shoulder height with a nice ledge to clime on to. Normally neither of these absurd speculations would have bothered me, but after Christmas twee i was half dead with fear.

And when I managed to convince myself my mind was playing trick on my i thought i was being sexually abused in my sleep. fucking great. cue whimpering.

After Indietracks in the summer I spent a good 24 hours believing the most vivid dream (nightmare) i have ever had in my entire life. No other dreams have come anywhere close in the past 15 years. But in the summer I was under the impression that ALL of indietracks had turned against me because of a plot which had left me in possession of John Slade's digital camera and I was completely unable to explain how it had come in to my possession. I was in the main shed bit and surrounded by 1,000 kids all staring me down. the futility of my protestations was evident. I had the camera and no way of explaining how or why, because until someone accused me of having it I hadn;t seen it at all.

And then things started to get weird. For some reason everyone was saying that i should kiss some random girl I'd never met before. i was reluctant to do it inasmuch as i had no idea who she was and 1,000 people were watching me. then the girl produced her own digital camera and started showing me videos of her home. it seemed to be a sort of tropical background and i assumed she was from South America.

also instead of teeth she had stringy-pointed gums.

now, except for the seriously unbelievable parts, i was convinced this was real. so basically, although i KNEW there was now pointy-gummed freakish South American lady, and i KNEW I hadn't been anywhere near John Slade, let alone his camera, I couldn;t shake this feeling. I felt as though leaving my room would make everything real and bring it all crashing down.

why did you do this to me indietracks? why are you messing with my head?


*skylight makes it sound more glamorous than it really is, it's a single-pained, slightly cracked, detritus covered piece of glass way up in the ceiling.